The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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