you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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