Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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