Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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