all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
