If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My balls are so social today.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
