And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
