i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
