DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
