Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
