I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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