how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
no, he came in my armpit
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I will be naked everywhere
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
