Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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