Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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