I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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