i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i need some magic done to my vagina
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
