i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize