omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize