Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
