I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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