oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
