I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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