tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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