Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
