my sisters under your porch take her home
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
And then he peed in my hair
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