ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
