Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
