is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize