every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
