you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dicks are not precious.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
