i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
