thus making me awesome and them whores
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
