He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
