I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
