i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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