Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
