At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
