Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
