there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It's just like the Real World with babies
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
