My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
