Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
