I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
