wrigley field is MILF paradise
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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