Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
