Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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