True but thats because hes a fetus.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
