Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
