is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just pee around me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
