she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
