he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
