I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
