Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize