To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
