I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
please come you make the beer taste better
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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