I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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