So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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