Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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