You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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