I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
