I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize