2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
