dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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