I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
