so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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