We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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