forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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