question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
