if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
